On the 5th of February, when I first heard of our Venerable Master Hsing Yun’s death, I was in my hometown for medical reasons and was supposed to stay for a week to spend with my family. I was devastated upon hearing the news through social media. I have lost the dream to thank him personally. I have dreamt of that since 2019, the last Chinese New Year celebration where some of the students were brought to Taiwan. Unfortunately, I was not able to join the group. I remember one of the students sharing how emotional they were when they first saw Master Hsing Yun, I got teary-eyed just hearing the story. Since then, I promised myself that I would sing my heart out to thank him for putting me on this path and allow me to be on my way to reach my dreams.

On the 6th of February, my 22nd birthday was all about the people closest to me. It was no ordinary birthday celebration that I had previously. It was more about healing, resiliency, and selflessness. As an agnostic person, I do not invalidate religions, especially those that have contributed to my growth. I believe that Jesus Christ and Buddha, in my own higher spiritual beliefs, are best friends.

From a faithful Christian mother, she invited our church friends to come celebrate with me. It was a moment of healing for everyone’s good health and to rebuke my Graves’ Disease out of my body. As they went to bless my family, I requested to pray for Master Hsing Yun’s soul to touch every person’s hearts and minds with happiness and peace, as well. Without judgment, they have granted my request.

The next day, I received the news from my mentor, Sir JP Llantino, inviting me to go to Kaohsiung, Taiwan for Master Hsing Yun’s funeral. I felt overwhelmed. My family and I had a scheduled event that might not happen for the next 6 years. However, they encouraged me to take the opportunity. I was not confident while learning the pieces to be performed in Fo Guang Shan Monastery for Master’s funeral. I was hesitant at first. I asked myself, “What if I fail to perform well?’. I did my best to shrug the feeling off.

So, I hurried back to Manila to catch the flight going to Taiwan. There were only 12 of us students and 3 teachers that were invited. We were led and accompanied by our ever-supportive school president, Dr. Michael Lim Tan. Before leaving the Mabuhay temple, our school’s chorale “Guang Ming Harmonies” offered songs in front of Master Hsing Yun’s portrait and unexpectedly, my tears started to stream down my face. Something that I did not plan to do but suddenly, I felt him. Just like what Venerable Nan Guang said, “He heard you sing”. Again I asked myself, “What good Karma did I cultivate to deserve the trip?”

Finally, the first thing we were reminded of when we reached Taiwan is to know our intentions.

We were invited to fulfill one of Master Hsing Yun’s wishes and this is to hear the Guang Ming Harmonies sing for him. Just the idea of this made me imagine him personally say this to us with a smiling face. As a member of the Guang Ming Harmonies it is something that I am very proud of because of opportunities like these, I am able to hone my talent and fulfill my dreams to meet good people like the Fo Guang Shan Community during performances.

Sunday, our first performance was in front of the white Stupa-type casket, where Master Hsing Yun’s remains lie. It was such an overpowering experience that I had jitters before the performance. The people present were pleasantly surprised and truly enjoyed our performance, especially, when we sang the song Fo Tou ni zai na li (Buddha where are you?) and replaced it with the words XiFu ni zai na li (Where are you now Master Hsing Yun?), reflecting how we were missing The Venerable Master Hsing Yun.

The first day spent there was tiresome but ended on a happy and fulfilling note. I felt satisfied with helping out, seeing a clean and prosperous environment, comfortable accommodation, SUCH GOOD PEOPLE, good food, inspiring masters, practitioners, and students living in harmony. As an artist, I truly believe that my talent can be used to appease longing hearts. During the event, Venerable Zhiqin informed us that we are also going to sing on Master Hsing Yun’s last day. I had a feeling that the odds were indulging my wishes. I finally had the chance to sing my heart out. To thank him. To thank him for leading the whole Guang Ming Community which I am a part of. It was at that instant, that I felt Master Hsing Yun was proud of me. I could imagined him patting my shoulder and smiling back at me, giving me a thumbs up sign with a bright light behind him. I could even picture him spreading his hands to over a thousand people as if he was hugging all of us, all at once.

I could never forget the night seeing people sitting around me, crying, kneeling down for almost 2 hours, waiting for Master Hsing Yun’s return. I even witnessed some of the monastics’ energy wavering. One of them was across the street, and it broke my heart to see her fall down with her hands on the ground to support herself. She was obviously tired and devastated. I would always check on her and saw her stood up, joining her palms and then back on the ground again to rest. She never left her spot. She waited and made sure she would be there for Master Hsing Yun’s return. I took a picture of her, hoping that I might know her name at least. She has become my hero. That was faith in front of me. Something that I only knew from the movies. The only thing I could offer was my voice so I sang as beautifully as I could.

The last day was quite different. The weather was cooler than the last 2 days of our stay. It was quieter, evident that it was a mourning day. The monastics and other devotees bid their goodbyes and sent us off. I knew that day that my celebrity life had ended. Just kidding.

I have never seen Master Hsing Yun in flesh but I knew he was present all throughout our stay. He was there with us and that is my forever first with Master Hsing Yun. The tatay that I have never had and now will always have.